1. Write A Generic Job Description
Have the hiring Manager throw together a laundry list of “required skills.” Then, have the Recruiter or HR Specialist copy and paste these as a “Job Description.” The more required skills the merrier!
2. Demand 20 Different Skills
Why demand six skills that are actually needed? Ask for twenty!
This won’t make it more difficult to find qualified candidates.
People with twenty skills will work for the same money as people with six skills. They don’t have more options. They don’t expect to be paid more.
3. Use Phrases That Indicate Your Company Is Repulsive
Use all of the following:
Must be able to multitask. This doesn’t tell the candidate we are disorganized. We need chainsaw jugglers!
Must be able to work on tight deadlines. This doesn’t tell the candidate we are understaffed. This doesn’t tell the candidate we set arbitrary deadlines without getting “buy in” from those doing the work. We have tight deadlines!
Must be able to prioritize tasks. This doesn’t tell the candidate we lack professional Project Management. This doesn’t tell the candidate he or she is expected to be a Software Engineer and a Project Manager. This doesn’t tell the candidate he or she has the responsibilities of two jobs and only gets paid for one. We can’t tell Software Engineers what we want done because we don’t know!
4. Don't Mention Compensation
People don’t really care about compensation. They don’t mind being underpaid. It’s a privilege to work for us.
5. Offer Foosball, Pizza, Or A Fun Environment Instead Of Higher Pay
Foosball, free pizza and a fun environment are most important. People don’t care about higher pay!
6. Have Lazy Interviewers
We don’t need to spend time organizing questions relevant to the position.
We can ask off the cuff questions without any real purpose or direction. We do things on the fly!
7. Give Candidates Irrelevant Tests
All candidates must take our standard test.
We test for skills they’ll never need for the position.
Why not give a Line of Business Software Engineer an advanced Data Structures test? We can!
8. Require Several On Site Interviews.
It only takes us thirty minutes. Who cares if the candidate spends three hours?
We are in charge. If they want to work here, they’ll come to us.
9. Hire Slow. Fire Fast.
Everyone wants to work for us. We have plenty of time to make hiring decisions. Highly skilled pros are a dime a dozen.
If this candidate gets hired by another company, we have dozens of others we can hire. There is no rush.
We fire fast because there is no cost to going through the hiring process again and leaving that position unfilled.
We aren’t in a rush to hire until we have a business crisis. Then, we’re really in a rush to hire.
For us, planning ahead is optional.
10. Force All Software Engineers To Work Onsite.
People love spending two hours or more a day commuting.
When they get to work, they are much more productive after being stuck in their car for two hours or more. They are also much happier. It is a win-win!
Since the technology isn’t there, we must have people physically come in to the office. They simply can’t do their job remotely.
Why should we care? Gasoline is dirt cheap.
If they really want to work for us, they will spend two or more hours each day commuting. The time they waste commuting doesn’t matter to us.